Archive for category geek

Yo Check My Flow

Posted by on Thursday, 28 January, 2010

A collection of random thoughts, strung together in no coherent order with numbers and called a post:

1. Something I never expected to have to say to any person (regardless of preschooler status or Autism label) is “Stop eating the laundry basket!” He ripped the bottom off and was chewing on the straw. Why? For the same reason he eats acorns and leaves on the playground. TO MAKE ME CRAZY.

2. Voldemort has gotten progressively more hilarious. Yesterday, he saw helicopters, and when I asked where he thought they were going, he said to our house to pick up Dora treats and then go to the moon.

…it’s cuter if you know him. Otherwise, it’s probably just an annoying story told by an annoying parent who thinks everything her average child does is adorable. NOT THAT MY KID IS AVERAGE. MY KID IS A GENIUS. A GENIUS WHO THINKS THE FUNNIEST KNOCK KNOCK JOKE IS:
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Griffin who?
Griffin KITTY!

3. I have a tendency to get sucked into certain books and topics. This happened with Julie and Julia, where I saw the movie, which lead to the book, which lead to the blog, where I eventually lost interest.

There was also a previous example where i ran across a post about Tom Cruise and a video he did about Scientology where he basically made no sense, which lead to information about L Ron Hubbard and him being BAT SHIT INSANE, which lead to several weeks where I researched creepy stuff and being brainwashed, and then I started having reoccurring dreams about thetas and being audited, and at that point I decided the crazy was coming from inside the house, so I cut myself off cold turkey and now avoid any and all research into Scientology to avoid active hallucinations about Tom Cruise cracking my skull open and stealing my brain.

Instead, I just finished Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders, so Im about to go locate the Manson documentaries on Netflix and do some research on youtube. I’m absolutely sure this won’t cause me any nightmares or mental trauma!

4. I have now had to remove an obscene amount of materials from my classroom, because I have students who tend to fixate. I had to remove any and all references to Thomas the Train, because I had one student who would do absolutely NOTHING ELSE but drive Thomas and make Thomas noises. Then I had to remove all crayons and small objects that were blue, as a different student would line them all up and would have a complete meltdown when asked to put them away, or do, i dont know, ANYTHING. Then a singing frog, because OMG MAKE THE STUPID SONG STOP FOR THE LOVE OF TOAST. And now, we’re carefully hidden a crock of fake plastic cookies with fake candy on the top, because of the student with the blue fixation has lately been refusing to do things like eat, nap, or participate in circle time for the joy of rubbing two of the cookies together. Ah, sensory issues. HOW FUN!

5. For those of you who know me in real life, you know I
A)love Glee
B)love Asian entertainment
so this promo for Glee on Fox Japan leaves me rolling on the floor laughing.


Posted by on Sunday, 22 November, 2009

My kid is currently sitting on the couch, fascinated by the movie showing.

Frankly, I’m amazed, as the animals in it aren’t animated, and there really isn’t any singing, but how can you resist Elsa from Born Free?

We used to watch this as kids, and I hadn’t realized how much I remembered until I put it in for him tonight. I’ve never seen Living Free, the sequel to Born Free, but seeing as the first thing the blurb talks about is ELSA DYING, I don’t think I want to.

I charge you to watch this, if you never seen it, and those of you who have, I know that you have, either mentally or physically, just broken out in song – “BOOORN FREEEE!”

Sometimes My Fandom Life Overtakes My Real Life

Posted by on Thursday, 29 October, 2009

I have thoughts to share.

An entire story about the sheer ridiculousness that I encountered one day while picking up Voldemort from daycare, when the assistant manager told me, giggling and almost blushing, that she had never known another 2 year old who uses anatomically correct terms for his genitalia.

Because “wee wee” and “pee pee” are so much more appropriate then “penis,” I guess.

More insane stories about my job and the micromanaging, which has now progressed to a degree of inanity where the work room is no longer available to the teaching public of the school. It is kept locked, and all things which must be photocopied, cut, laminated, or die cut must be submitted to the office at least 2 weeks before it is needed.

No, Im really not kidding. Teachers and TAs are no longer allowed to set foot in the workroom.

Stories about the fact my sister is coming to visit tomorrow, and she’s making Indian food, and we’re trying to plot out the best way to make a cake that looks like brains so we can pretend to be zombies.

Instead, I leave you with the song that has been stuck in my head for the past week. It’s a damned addicting vid, too. It’s fairly obvious the guys who dressed them were on crack. I’m very fond of the girl whose hair sticks straight up.

Bad Hat

Posted by on Sunday, 23 August, 2009

Several years ago, pre wedding, even – when Brandus and I were sitting in a movie theater awaiting a movie, a preview came on.

One brief glimpse of a little hat blowing across a black screen had me digging my fingernails into Brandus’ arm and shrieking, “MADELINE!”

I dont remember what his reaction was, although I imagine it involved wincing and swearing and a look to tell me how insane I was. But, I was right. The little straw hat with the ribbon was advertising the movie Madeline, which was based on the book series, which I love very very much.

So, you can imagine my current joy when I go in to put Voldemort to bed last night and ask him what book he wants to read. He reaches up toward the book shelf we keep the destroyable books on, pulls out a book and says, Ma-line!

He points out the “bad man,” Madeline, Ms. Clavel, the little girls, the balloons, the crack on the ceiling that looks like a rabbit.

I am deeply deeply tempted to buy him this:

I think he’d love it.

Not Quite Free to Good Home

Posted by on Saturday, 23 May, 2009

A while ago, i helped stimulate the economy..and that will NEVER stop sounding dirty to me, really..and bought a new laptop.

Madmartigan was about five years old, and pieces were falling off of him, and the Dark Lord had shown his displeasure with my attention to Mad by ripping multiple keys off the keyboard until I was unable to shift or use the letter A, and I need capital A’s, ok? Plus, the fact was that Dell was having a kick ass sale, and I had money in my savings account and i desperately wanted a new toy.

So, Usagi came to live with me, and she’s very pretty and shiny and green and happy, and I put Madmartigan to the side with the vague idea that I would delete many things and clean him up all spiffy and try and sell him for enough to buy me some ice cream and a new pair of cheap sunglasses, as the child tore the arm off of my old ones.

So, of course, Madmartigan has been silently suffering in the back corner of the side table – the one protected from toddlers made of the blood of their enemies and pure evil. I keep thinking, wow, I should really turn him on and reformat and list him on craigslist and such, but honestly, aside from being furniture now, and therefore completely overlooked, I have no idea how to even type up a listing.

In need of loving home: Dell desktop replacement. Heavy as hell. Answers to Madmartigan. Reformatted, but if you see any episodes of weird Japanese television floating around, please return them to me. You can buy a computer with twice the ram and abilities for $500, but I paid several thousand for him, and he just wants to be loved. Please send family background and a picture of your workspace.


Posted by on Thursday, 30 April, 2009

He came in
from the bathroom,
and said,
I think
there is an alarm clock
going off
somewhere next door.

I go in, too,
and listen.
A faint beep beep beep
is enough
to leave me looking in confusion.

The room
on the other side
is also a bathroom,
and who
would have
an alarm clock
in a bathroom?

I look for a moment,
and think,
and then glance down.

I say,
I think
you need
to recharge
your toothbrush.

So Much Worse Then Waa-Laa

Posted by on Sunday, 29 March, 2009

I was just reading a baking blog, and the blogger said, and I quote:

“We’re going to need these cookies toot sweet!”



*claws at face*

Face It

Posted by on Tuesday, 17 March, 2009

Ive recently been sucked into Facebook, and by sucked in, I mean I spend time examining the profiles of people I havent spoken to since junior high and debating about if i should ignore this person who i HATED but who I have a lot of friends in common with.

this is a really strange thing, honestly. and it makes me rather depressed to see how many people i grew up with identify themselves as Conservative, and even MORE depressed to see how many “flair” pieces are conservative, obnoxiously in-your-face preachy, or involve Edward Cullen.

there is one that says something to the effect of: Guys! Want to fall in love? Act like Edward Cullen!

Frankly, the LAST thing I want out of a guy is someone who will disable my car so I cant go see a friend and waits until Im asleep to SNEAK IN MY ROOM AND STARE AT ME AAAAHHH.

So, I need to come up with some smartass flair.

any suggestions?

Boys Don’t Make Passes..

Posted by on Thursday, 26 February, 2009

I was forced to undergo a physical recently. And by forced, I mean, otherwise, I wouldn’t be allowed to have a job.

While there, the PA said, ‘Hmmmmm,’ when I revealed that it had been many many years since I last remembered doing a vision screening.

Oddly enough, I failed.

Well..not all of me. Just my left eye. The ingrate.

So, I spend the next three weeks awaiting time for my appointment at the eye place. Which promptly gets canceled the day before, and do I mind waiting another three weeks?

Yes, yes i do. So i call Walmart, and they say, ‘sure! come in two days from today!’

then they promptly say, wow, you have astigmatism in your left eye. Wonder why this never bothered you in the past? Have glasses!

I get a prescription, i examine frames and gag over price tags. I end up asking the woman behind the counter which one of three she likes better, because i am not good at making decisions about how i look in things.

I picked them up today, put them on and said to myself, “hey, these are pretty cute, and WOW! Everything is so clea-is that a wrinkle?

Square Feet

Posted by on Saturday, 21 February, 2009

I am perusing through Square Foot Gardening on Google Books, because 1) i would really like to actually have a garden, even though i have killed many plants in my past, and 2) the library doesnt have it, and 3) im cheap.

This guy might have some good ideas, but WOW does he come off as a dick. You would think he had invented vegetables from how he talks – how wonderful it will be when Square Foot Gardening has spread throughout the entire world, bringing people food and more money and how connected families will be – “the woman of the family is our primary target for this project, as she is most concerned about the children’s nutrition.”

I just..I kind of want to hit him in the face and plant in traditional rows JUST TO SPITE HIM. I wont, because we have no yard, so it’s not like I can. Unless someone knows of a way to plant things into the rocks lining the driveway.

Instead of being a really cool introduction to a really cool way of gardening, it’s trying to SELL it to you. Which I guess makes sense, because you can buy grids and videos and books and all his other crap on his web site, but COME ON. Could you be a little less condescending* and sound a little less like an infomercial**?

That said, it does sound like a cool system. Anyone tried it, or any other version of gardening? Im a novice here, with the exception of the tomato plant I killed last year.

*totally mistyped as “condensing.” It might be difficult for him to be less condensing, but I wouldnt know
**I love infomercials above many things. I can watch the Magic Bullet infomercial OVER and OVER

My Proudest Parenting Moment

Posted by on Tuesday, 3 February, 2009

Voldemort comes running over to see Brandus’ new class pet, Jack.

Upon seeing that Jack was shedding his skin, Voldemort exclaims:


Most excellent. We are halfway to success!

My Nose Says Beep

Posted by on Thursday, 8 January, 2009

When I was a kid, I went to Space Camp.

..For three years in a row, because i AM that much of a nerd.

Anyway, my second year, I had this really awesome group of people as my team, and we all seemed to share a similar fucked up sense of humor.

For example, we got great joy out of “beeping” each other’s noses. So much joy, in fact, that it gradually morphed over the week we were together from “beep” to each person having their own individual sound/phrase/expression.

My nose said “Out of order.” Ox’s nose said, “I’ll rip out your eyes and piss in your dead skull.”

I think Ox didnt like having his nose beeped.

Regardless, the memory of space camp and noses came back to me today, when, while playing with his father, Voldemort reached up to his own nose, pushed it, and said, “boop!”

Shiny New Year

Posted by on Thursday, 1 January, 2009

I spent the first day of 2009 much the same way I want to spend the rest of 2009 – sitting on my butt in my pajamas with my computer.

I took plenty of breaks to chase a small, generally naked child* around the house for all of our amusement, and then Voldemort and I watched Rudolph’s Shiny New Year.

Brandus made dinner, I made cookies, and now the kid is in bed, and Brandus and I are staring at screens until we go crosseyed. It has been an excellent day!

I hope you have had good ones as well. Have a good 2009!

*he’s started waking up early in the morning for the express purpose of stripping off his shirt, getting cold, and yelling until we come get him

Letters of Choice

Posted by on Wednesday, 29 October, 2008

Dear Barak Obama,

I voted for you two days ago. Please stop emailing me.

Also, for some reason, I had several seven year olds tell me, in complete horror, that if you get elected, you are going to knock down all of their churches. This seems to be bad form, and a really ridiculous idea. I cant imagine that they would invent such a thing, so perhaps you might want to check in and see what that other guy is saying about you, again. You never can tell what he’s going to say next.

Still already voted for you!

PS. Is it bad that there were people out front of the voting place who handed me a list of conservative judges to vote for, that I used as a list of who NOT to vote for? Because I felt a little guilty when they waved so cheerfully and shouted, ‘God bless you!’ after me. Am I going to a hell I dont believe in for this?

Move Along Monahan

Posted by on Friday, 17 October, 2008

Racher held me down with her very pregnant belly and threatened to give birth on me if I didn’t do a meme. Or maybe she just tagged me. Whatever.


Six Uninteresting Things About Me.

Why uninteresting, I wonder? Im sure I can find something fascinating about myself – just let me check my pockets and go through the couch cushions.

1. My ears are pierced with four different holes. One “set”, one extra in my right ear, and a cartilage piercing in my left ear. None of the earrings I wear on a daily basis match in the slightest, except for all being small and, with the exception of the malachite drop in my left ear, silver.

2. Bugs love me. Currently, we’re fighting a flea battle. Brandus has maybe 5 bites. Voldemort has zero. I have at least 50. I say they love me, but they could just be getting revenge for me being a bug stomping brat in another life. I certainly don’t bug stomp in this life – I get brandus to do it.

3. I’ve spent the last three days reading tutorials on how to make a pin cushion. Something which I could do in fifteen minutes requires approximately thirty six hours of psyching myself up for it.

4. If Voldemort had been a girl, he would have been named (no lie) Lily.

5. It amuses me greatly that my spellcheck no longer argues with me about the spelling of Voldemort. It used to offer such odd suggestions as voltmeter and, my personal favorite, Valdemar. I’m fairly certain there is absolutely no reason for it to know how to spell the name of an imaginary country where horses talk and aren’t horses and where hot guys walk around with hawks on their shoulders, but you know, Im not going to argue. Mmmmm, Darkwind.

6. Word on the street..or, you know, in the school, whatever, is that it is very very possible that I will be a second grade teacher for the remainder of the year. Here’s the big thing, though, I’m not crying at the very thought. In fact, I’m thinking, Cool. Not, COOL! or AWESOME! but…cool.


Posted by on Tuesday, 14 October, 2008

Im not writing much lately.

I havent written any fiction – well, nothing of more than 100 words – in months. I barely blog here. I barely blog over at lj. I barely email people.

It’s not that I don’t have things to say – Fiction, I have ideas, but no motivation. LJ, everything I want to talk about is in Japanese. Here, I struggle to type things that arent strings of disconnected thoughts.

I know why I’m struggling, and it’s nothing incredibly shocking. We’ve moved, we’re broke, I’m stressed, I’m busy, I can barely find the braincells to scrape together to read things online, much less write more.

But, I’ve got some cool posts that exist only in my head. Like, the one where all the weird links that made my inner feminist stand up and say ‘howdy’ all showed up together on the internet in the space of a week. Or the funny stories of the weird things you overhear from second graders.

Boy: I accidentally kicked someone in the nuts!
Me: That must have hurt him.
Boy: It was a girl!
Girl: *large put upon sigh* Girls don’t HAVE nuts.
Boy: They don’t?

Or that fabulous new announcement post about my friend Mylan having her baby, who is to be Bellatrix to kiddo’s Voldemort. Or the fact that Racher both tagged me for a meme and should be 80 million months pregnant by now, and WHY hasn’t LG decided to join the world outside yet? Why?

But my brain is broken by stress and money and fleas and fevers and the fact I still have no bookshelves and have to unpack my entire suitcase full of books anytime I’m looking for something. Like now. When all I really want is one of my journals. It’s in there on the bottom, I know it.

So, I will continue posting. Limpingly. Haltingly. And maybe when this stint as a second grade teacher is over, we have a million bucks, and I’ve stopped watching television in Japanese, we can get back to the fun stuff.

Like this: The My Little Pony Project. Awesome

Eating the Letter A

Posted by on Thursday, 21 August, 2008

I believe Ive mentioned that the dark lord steals keys off of my keyboard. I generally neglect to mention that only some of those keys can be put back. Honestly, for the last 6 months or so, I’ve been typing without actually having a letter p key. or the key i would use to make a semi colon. although i cannot think for any reason why i would want to use a semi colon, MAYBE ONE DAY I WOULD, and i would not be able to without that key.

ive been without my right shift key for almost as long, and it was an adjustment learning to use ONLY the left shift key, when before i only shifted to the right. my right. i only used the right shift key while shifting to the right.


but, i had trained myself well, and shifted LEFT and only left and ignored all things right and shifty, and this was working fine until the unthinkable happened about a month ago.

the dark lord stole my LEFT shift key.

now, most of the other keys on dell inspiron 9300 beloved computer named Madmartigan could be popped on and off, so long as the little rubber dohickey was still under the key, but the shift key is a whole different ball game. that sucker is attached with a weird little wire, and if that wire gets out of place, that key ain’t going back on there. so, when i saw the thing go flying across the couch when the little evil one got his hands on it, i knew it was the end of shifting.

no more punctuating, except commas and periods. no more easy and specific capitalizing. no, if i wanted to capitalize, id have to use capslock, and that’s really only worth it if you want to CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING FOREVER AFTER BECAUSE GEEZE HOW MUCH WORK IS IT TO PRESS THAT BUTTON *TWICE* TO TURN IT ON AND THEN BACK OFF EVERY TIME I WISH TO YELL AT PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET?

i mean, i COULD shift (left, thank you) when i wanted to, but i had to have my finger at a really weird angle and hold it down and geeze, talk about exhausting.

i took a picture of the carnage, just for you.

so, i went online and ordered a new keyboard from dell for madmartigan.

correction: i ordered a keyboard from dell that was compatible, during checkout, they offered me a different (cheaper!) keyboard for my laptop and i said, “hey! it’s cheaper! and it’s recommended down there at the bottom during checkout! of course that means it is compatible!”

so, within a few days, a box from dell is left on my porch (seriously. hello? why must you leave things that blaze DELL all alone on my porch? after the last time when i came home to see MY LAPTOP all by itself on my very public porch (not here, somewhere else) and hyperventilated and told you it was STOLEN just to freak you out, damn you dhl), i yell YAY and con brandus into installing it.

first, we have not the correct tools with which to take it apart. says i, “do you really need to take the whole case apart?” says he, “yes.”

so, next day, we get tool, we take case off. which we didnt need to do, because the front of the keyboard face pops right off without issues.

we install (and by “we,” i mean “he who is not me”) and SURPRISE, it doesnt work. because it isnt compatible. oh, dell checkout lure of evil, why must you lie so cruelly?

oh, and in the process of attempting to replace the old keyboard’s chip back into the..thing it talks to that tells the brain it has a keyboard, a little piece that held the chip in came out.

so now, not only am i missing keys (seven in that picture up there, plus two that are reversed), but a random row of keys will periodically stop working when the one pin slides out of alignment. so randomly, i would have no A, and no way to exclaim, and really, if i cannot type very capitalized exclaiming A’s, then my life is incomplete.

Brandus rescued me, as always. he bought me a usb keyboard. which is sitting on top of my broken keyboard on my laptop. i keep knocking it off and hitting the wrong keys anyway.

maybe i should have stuck with funny angled left shifting and non exclaimed lower case A’s. it probably would be just as easy.

Fabulous Friday

Posted by on Friday, 1 August, 2008

Isnt it strange how, even if you’re not currently employed, like me, Friday still feels like the most lovely part of the week?

The Dark Lord has achieved a new milestone, of sorts.

He’s trying to give up his naps.

Needless to say, his father and I are fighting him every step of the way on this one. But, he’s pretty much given up his afternoon nap – unless we feel like spending half an hour to an hour one on one rocking and singing and doing shadow puppets, or whatever will make him sleepy that afternoon – and the past couple of days, his former two hour morning nap has been cut down to HALF AN HOUR.

How am I supposed to get anything done in half an hour? I cant even get through yoga in half an hour!

In exchange for this new no napping policy, his understanding has increased by about a thousand.

We were sitting here in my chair a few mornings ago, just finishing the morning nursing session, and I asked, “you ready for breakfast?”

At which point, Voldemort slid off my lap, went to his high chair in the corner of the kitchen and started tugging it to the table. And then tried to climb into it.

I boggled.

In other, non baby related news, So You Think You Can Dance is down to 4 people, and last nights results made me very sad. I wasnt surprised, but I was sad. So, to help make me feel better, here’s my favorite dance from this season:

And, just for contrast, here’s my favorite dance from last season:

Money For Nothing

Posted by on Friday, 25 July, 2008

Just recently, we got dvr. Which is new and exciting for us, because we’ve never had dvr before, and this way I could tape things – like the Emeril Green episode that my sister was on last night – and watch them later.

We had played around with the whole pause/unpause thing while watching shows if the baby cried, but learning how to tape things took a little bit of time.

Brandus (who just had a birthday on Wednesday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDUS!) was showing me how to find shows, and tell it to record, and then how to find them again so we could play them.

And wouldn’t you know it? Our dvr was obviously recycled from someone else. We had stuff on there already!

And now, when we go scrolling through the things we have recorded, and discuss what to delete to save some room, automatically, we skip right over the porn that came already on it.

We did delete the Rambo movie, though.

Boob Job

Posted by on Sunday, 20 July, 2008

The other day, while driving around Jacksonville, NC – which is a whole story in and of itself, because we’ve driven up and down that place and could NEVER FIND THE SHOPPING DISTRICT – I spotted a Lane Bryant and said, “OH, stop the car, I need a BRA.”

Ive worn out the nursing bras. Ive worn out the whole idea of them. Plus, they didnt fit very well anymore.

So, Im proud to say that Ive gone from a 40E ALL THE WAY DOWN TO..a 38DD.

The sales lady helping me was all worried, because she was measuring me as a 36DD, and they barely have anything in 36. So, basically, Im too small for Lane Bryant to help much, and too big for Victoria’s Secret.

Awesome! That’s so helpful.