Archive for category she who bakes

I’ll Bake If I Want To

Posted by on Saturday, 11 January, 2014

It’s my birthday today, and due to a variety of reasons, it’s just me and the kid. I’m heading up to hang out with my favorite awesome ladies of the Vagina Monologues tonight, so it’s not sad and pathetic and mopey, but someone needs to make me cake, and that someone is clearly going to be ME.

Ordinarily, if I were in Georgia, I would have gotten a cookie cake from Great American Cookie, because they are awesome and amazing and my favorite.

However, I am not in Georgia. I am nowhere in the South, and compared to the THIRTY FOUR Great American Cookie places in Georgia, there is a whooping TWO in Colorado. Both of which are almost an hour away. We have experimented with other cookie cakes from other places, but they’re just not nearly as good.

So, because I am BRILLIANT, I decided to look online to see if anyone had a copycat recipe I could try.

I found two!

One of which advised me to take the regular toll house cookie recipe but sub this and add that and don’t forget to do these other arcane rituals to make it come out perfect.

The other said to take a thing of refrigerated Pillsbury cookie dough and add a fourth of a cup of corn syrup.

Guess which one I chose?

So! Let me walk you through this, for no other reason that I need to document whether I can reproduce anything resembling the best cookie cake in the world.

I used:
greatamericancookieexperiment
-An extremely old bottle of Karo* syrup that I don’t remember ever buying
-A regular size thing of refrigerated Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough**
-A flimsy disposable pizza pan for ease of travel

Step one:
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Blend

Step two:
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Smoosh into greased pizza pan with wet hands

Step three:
Shove into oven at 325 for 25 minutes. The recipe said to line the rack below it with foil in case the cookie tried to crawl over the edge and escape, but I didn’t.

*This is the one word more than anything else that makes me sound Southern. It is pronounced KAY-ro, and my husband laughs every time i say it.
**I’m not sure why Pillsbury, but I didn’t want to offend the recipe gods.

And then, because it’s my birthday, and I figure at 35, I might should practice being a motherfucking adult, I actually stopped licking the cookie dough out of the Pillsbury thing to WASH THE MIXING BOWL. And by wash, of course I mean I actually remembered to put soap in before running water and leaving it in the sink.

Step four:
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Hmmm. That doesn’t look…quite right. Mildly (I hope) overcooked except for that bump in the middle, with bonus over-overcooking on the edges where the cookie tried to crawl over the edges and escape.

Nonetheless, we shall proceed. Onward! To the decorating!

I didn’t even try to recreate the Great American Cookie frosting, although it is yummy, because I am lazy and frosting comes in a can.

I let Voldemort pick it out, which was probably a mistake. And then, to compound the mistake, because I have no problems making my own cake, but I feel really weird about writing “Happy Birthday, Alia!” on my own cake, I let Voldemort decorate.

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I have been informed that it says “Happy”, “Mom,” and that is a happy face at the bottom. I know the 0 in “Mom” originally started out as a 6, because he wanted to write “65″ on the cake for how old I was. At which point I gently informed him that I was, in fact, 35, and shouldn’t he go do something somewhere else before he accidentally wrote 105?

Taste test still to follow. Will let you know tomorrow if I will be going into competition with Great American Cookie.

Stress Cooking and Avocado Bread

Posted by on Wednesday, 1 May, 2013

On Friday, my husband drove himself to the ER and was admitted to the hospital for acute pancreatitis. That night, he was moved to Critical Care due to tachycardia. His gallbladder was removed Monday morning, and he finally came home yesterday, where he is firmly parked on the couch. The last few days have been very stressful, needless to say, and I’ve been coping by cooking.

So far, I’ve made:
-homemade chicken nuggets
-spaghetti
-meatballs
-hamburger patties for the freezer
-browned ground beef for the freezer
-muffins
-potato soup
-avocado bread

And because I don’t feel like talking about the pancreatitis/gallbladder/stress level thing anymore, I am here to share with you how to make avocado bread.

Now, this is one of those recipes that’s so ridiculously simple I feel almost embarrassed sharing it, but the truth is, it’s food that never occurred to me until someone shared it with me and it’s SO GOOD and SO SIMPLE that you need to know how to do it. Also, I made this after I had already gotten the potato soup started but didn’t want leftover spaghetti for lunch.

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Ingredients:
Yummy crusty bread
Avocado
Lemon juice
Sea salt
Parmesan cheese
Olive oil (not pictured because I forgot)

Directions:
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Slice bread into inch thick slices and drizzle with olive oil.

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Curse your avocado slicing skills.

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Place slightly mangled avocado slices on top on bread.

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Sprinkle parmesan cheese, lemon juice, and sea salt on top of avocado.

Now, you have a choice. Either a) stick bread into toaster oven and toast on “light,” or b) stick bread into oven on 350 degrees for about 6 minutes. Regardless, put bread into some sort of toasting appliance and do not remove it until bread is crunchy to your taste on the edges.

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Place tasty toasted bread on plate and OM NOM NOM.

Now, let’s see, I might go make some peanut rice krispy treats. Or maybe homemade pizza…

My Kingdom for a Cookie Recipe

Posted by on Wednesday, 23 November, 2011

Brandus requested those peanut butter cookies with hershey’s kisses in them for Thanksgiving, and seeing as a) I am a giving, loving wife, and b) COOOKIIIIIES, I agreed.

I look on the back of the package of Hershey’s kisses after we get them home from the store, and it has a recipe on it! …that calls for a package of peanut butter cookie mix. Which we don’t have, and those mixes never taste right anyway.

So, I begin the search. There is always the easy ones, the ones that dont need anything but peanut butter, sugar, and an egg, but frankly, I think they taste nasty.

So I went to Paula Deen, because COME ON, Paula Deen! Only she left me with this recipe. A peanut butter recipe from PAULA DEEN that calls for FAKE SUGAR.

I am mortally offended.

And then I got all distracted by a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe from Smitten Kitten, and now I may never get the actual recipe baked that I wanted to, because OMG I NEED THESE.

And then I realized we’re out of butter, and I can’t bake anything anyway. Dammit. Maybe I have some Crisco. Are there peanut butter cookie recipes that call for shortening?

Yummy Things

Posted by on Monday, 15 March, 2010

Chocolate cupcakes from scratch – super easy, and pretty darn good. Use oil instead of butter so they don’t turn out dry.

Basic Pizza Dough – a recipe I use weekly, probably. Toss in a little parm and herb into the crust and mmMMMmmm.

Breakfast cake – I’ve made this once a week for the past three weeks. It’s a great snack, too. Brandus says it needs a little brown sugar, but I like it just as it is.

Homemade Oreos – I havent tried these with the filling, but the cookie is almost exactly the IN YOUR FACE WITH MY CHOCOLATE BITCH cookies that I’ve made for Natalie before. I plan to play around with subbing some of the butter out for shortening to see if that makes them a little less inclined to take over the world when they spread out.

Vegetarian Burrito Bowls – OM NOM NOM. The guacamole and the lime cilantro rice make this SO GOOD OMG.

The Holy Trinity – I HAVE NOT YET TRIED THIS BUT OMG. It’s a cookie! It’s cake! It’s PIE! All at the same time! *excited hands* SOMEONE MAKE THIS AND TELL ME ABOUT IT.

Sometimes My Fandom Life Overtakes My Real Life

Posted by on Thursday, 29 October, 2009

I have thoughts to share.

An entire story about the sheer ridiculousness that I encountered one day while picking up Voldemort from daycare, when the assistant manager told me, giggling and almost blushing, that she had never known another 2 year old who uses anatomically correct terms for his genitalia.

Because “wee wee” and “pee pee” are so much more appropriate then “penis,” I guess.

More insane stories about my job and the micromanaging, which has now progressed to a degree of inanity where the work room is no longer available to the teaching public of the school. It is kept locked, and all things which must be photocopied, cut, laminated, or die cut must be submitted to the office at least 2 weeks before it is needed.

No, Im really not kidding. Teachers and TAs are no longer allowed to set foot in the workroom.

Stories about the fact my sister is coming to visit tomorrow, and she’s making Indian food, and we’re trying to plot out the best way to make a cake that looks like brains so we can pretend to be zombies.

Instead, I leave you with the song that has been stuck in my head for the past week. It’s a damned addicting vid, too. It’s fairly obvious the guys who dressed them were on crack. I’m very fond of the girl whose hair sticks straight up.

Make This: Butterball Soup

Posted by on Friday, 23 October, 2009

Butterball soup is one of my very favorite things in the entire whole world. Seriously.

Now, my husband is one of “those” cooks. The ones who don’t use a recipe or measure things and just throw stuff in and see what happens. And it turns out amazing. But never the same way twice. So, attempting to give a recipe for butterball soup is a little tricky, but I’m going to try.

First things first: this soup is not for the faint of heart. It is also not for the weak hearted, because the word BUTTER is featured predominantly in the title for a reason.

This comes with photos, because it’s easier to see then it is to fully explain, sometimes. Also, the amount of soup we make at one time is hilarious. We eat it until we’re out of butterballs. Then we make more of those, and eat it until the broth is all gone. Then we make more broth. So, sometimes, this is the never ending soup, and we make a huge pot of it for the three of us. So, adjust amounts as you see fit. Or go for it, make the huge pot, and see what happens.

Basic ingredient list:
veggies of whatever sort – celery and carrots and garlic are required, but throw in whatever else you’ve got
bullion – chicken or veggie
loaf of bread – sourdough is best, italian is fine, sandwich loaf works if you’ve got nothing else
eggs – two or three
small shaped pasta
parm cheese
mozzarella cheese
butter – and a lot of it

To start: obtain bigass pot. Add heart attack worthy glob of butter.

Chop/dice/cut up veggies. Really, it doesn’t matter how – here’s the food processor version. Carrots, celery and garlic are required, but anything else is fine, really. We’ve even done artichoke hearts when we didn’t have anything else. I wouldn’t suggest a lot of a strong tasting veggies, though.

Saute the veggies til translucent. Brandus also throws in a couple of chicken breasts at this point – they aren’t necessary, as we’ve done it plenty of times without it. We don’t even eat the chicken in it – Brandus due to vegetarianism, and me due to not liking chicken in butterball soup. We pull it out and use it in something else, so no worries if you don’t want to add it.

Add bullion and water to pot to make a fuck ton of broth. Seriously, this jar was FULL when we started. The broth for butterball soup needs to be a very strong, rich, tangy broth. We use this kind of bullion, as it’s very yummy, and very strong.

I wasn’t kidding about a lot of broth.

At this point, turn the heat up and let it simmer. You’ve got the fuck ton of broth, so this will take a while. That’s ok, you have something else to do.

Take your loaf and bread and tear it up into small chunks. Dump some parm cheese in there on top of it. Add spices if you want – sometimes we add bits of the carrots and celery in there, too. Yummy.

Melt more butter – one loaf of regular sized French bread equals about a stick a butter. Beat in two or three eggs into the butter. Pour over the top of the bread chunks.

Remove rings, stick your hands in the bread and butter mess, and squish to a uniform consistency.

Add in your small shaped pasta to the broth – not a ton, maybe a fourth of the box. You want to add this now, as you don’t want the pasta to get overcooked.

Back to your bread and butter mess. Pinch of a chunk and make a ball out of it. Add more butter or more bread if you can’t make a ball. It needs to be tightly packed – here’s one in Brandus’ hand to help you get an idea of size. No bigger then 2 inches, really.

Feel free to enlist help.

Make all the butterballs, and drop them in the soup. They’ll sink immediately, which is what you want.

The butterballs will float when they’re done.

Serve – 3 or 4 butterballs, some pasta and veggies and broth, and sprinkle with mozzarella. YUM.

If you make it, let me know. I’m curious to know what you think!

The Consequences of Dreaming

Posted by on Sunday, 4 October, 2009

I saw a recipe for German pancakes yesterday at Salt and Chocolate. Hm, says I, that sounds good. So, I bookmarked it, and went about my day.

A day which included a child who did not nap until we were in the car to go to a farm to have a hayride and pick a pumpkin with some friends. A day which included a child slipping and falling into a rotten pumpkin, and having to go on the return hayride wearing nothing but a pull up. A day which was very late, and by the time we got back, I was no longer thinking of anything involving pancakes.

Or was I?

The last dream I recall from before I woke up was me wandering around Racher from Yestertime’s house looking for her, so I could ask if the skillet I wanted to borrow was oven safe. So I could make a German pancake.

FINE SUBCONSCIOUS, I GET IT. Although why my subconscious felt the need to bring Racher in on it, when I’m pretty sure she has never talked to me about pancakes, German or otherwise, I have no idea.

Regardless, I made a German pancake this morning, much to Brandus’ confusion (“What are you doing?” “IM MAKING A PANCAKE DAMMIT.”)

It was yummy. I tastes a little bit like funnel cake and a little bit like french toast.

Also, it’s insanely easy, which I am a huge fan of.

She Who Bakes

Posted by on Wednesday, 22 July, 2009

Today, I baked white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for Brandus’ birthday tomorrow, as that is what he wanted. Now, I bake a good bit – and a good deal of what I bake is cookies – but white chocolate macadamia is not one I’ve ever tried before.

Mainly because it’s too subtle of a cookie. I like a cookie that’s all IN YA FACE WIT MY CHOCOLATE, BITCH, so white chocolate macadamia just doesn’t hit my kinks. Also, white chocolate is an abomination that should neither be tolerated nor called chocolate

I ended up with this recipe, and after obsessively reading the comments, went with butter flavored shortening instead of butter.

Mainly because we’re out of butter, and our funds, they are limited, so I didn’t want to buy both, even though the recipe comments say that a blend of butter and shortening turn out the best.

The decision to only by the shortening turned out to be the right one, as after buying it, I only have 74 cents in my personal account.

The cookies turned out well, I think. I made them bigger then I usually do, and although I can’t really say much for the taste, due to the aforementioned need for IN YA FACE CHOCOLATE, they might be the prettiest cookies I’ve ever made.

Happy birthday, Brandus. For a present, I’m sending you to Nepal without me. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT WHILE I’M TRAPPED ALONE WITH YOUR CHILD.