Archive for category you and your vagina


Posted by on Friday, 4 October, 2013

I feel like my brain is melting.

Not only am I currently working full time, I am also trekking the kid back and forth to soccer practice (which he adores, which makes 1 sport he doesn’t hate), taking 1 class for my Masters program, taking 3 classes for my English Language Acquisition requirements, AND getting revved up for 2014′s performance of The Vagina Monologues, which I will be DIRECTING along with a friend.

The working full time is going shockingly well (my principal asked me in to a meeting so she could ask me how I liked the school and if I needed anything and to tell me she loved coming in to my classroom I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON), the soccer will be over next week (to be hopefully replaced by piano lessons) but he has such a blast that I don’t mind the schlepping him there twice a week, and the Vagina Monologues is just AWESOME, so really the only thing that is overwhelming me in an irritating way is all of the education I’m being forced to get.

See, my district says I can teach what I teach (Early Childhood Special Education), so long as I get my Masters in Early Childhood Special Education. This would be fine. Except for the fact I have my BS in Special Education, and several add on class in Early Childhood Development, not yo mention that I have six years of experience in Early Childhood Education. So the classes I am required to take have yet to teach me anything new or shocking, and so far all I’m learning is irritation at having my time wasted by sitting through classes I’ve already taken JUST NOT AT A GRADUATE LEVEL.

The district also requires all teachers new to the district to be a certain level of certified to teach English Language Learners. I’m ELA-E, which means I teach in English, but have to understand language development.

Now, guess what one thing we REALLY focus on in Early Childhood Education is? Why, I do believe it would be LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT. So I’m being forced to sit through 3 classes this semester and another 2 next semester, all with hours and hours of busy work, NONE OF WHICH ARE TEACHING ME ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR RAGE AND IMPATIENCE.

At least my GPA is awesome.

Line It Up

Posted by on Sunday, 28 July, 2013

A series of recollections of BlogHer 2013, in one liners:

-It’s a vibrator! read my blog?
-A lot of smart women with a lot of smart phones
-Don’t kiss up or kick down
-Fanfiction is a gateway drug to writing
-I don’t tweet
-I’m not currently angry enough to go to a political panel
-We’ll Lean In, but we’ll break all the rules
-’Pedantic Vagina’ would be a great band
-I need no more swag, but let’s go through the Expo again
-it’s like the most frustratingly awesome game of Tetris on the planet

Dude. It was awesome.

Sometimes My Fandom Life Overtakes My Real Life

Posted by on Thursday, 29 October, 2009

I have thoughts to share.

An entire story about the sheer ridiculousness that I encountered one day while picking up Voldemort from daycare, when the assistant manager told me, giggling and almost blushing, that she had never known another 2 year old who uses anatomically correct terms for his genitalia.

Because “wee wee” and “pee pee” are so much more appropriate then “penis,” I guess.

More insane stories about my job and the micromanaging, which has now progressed to a degree of inanity where the work room is no longer available to the teaching public of the school. It is kept locked, and all things which must be photocopied, cut, laminated, or die cut must be submitted to the office at least 2 weeks before it is needed.

No, Im really not kidding. Teachers and TAs are no longer allowed to set foot in the workroom.

Stories about the fact my sister is coming to visit tomorrow, and she’s making Indian food, and we’re trying to plot out the best way to make a cake that looks like brains so we can pretend to be zombies.

Instead, I leave you with the song that has been stuck in my head for the past week. It’s a damned addicting vid, too. It’s fairly obvious the guys who dressed them were on crack. I’m very fond of the girl whose hair sticks straight up.

One Fish, Two Fish

Posted by on Sunday, 24 August, 2008

I tried to read What to Expect When You’re Expecting while I was pregnant. I got as far as being lectured about my diet, and how to “with every bite of food you take, ask yourself, is this the best bite for my baby?” at which point I got a stabbing pain behind my eye which could only be soothed by cheesecake.* I never finished reading it.

I never made it to childbirth classes. They told you not to bother taking them until you were 36 weeks along. At 36 weeks, I was in the hospital with kidney stones and early labor.

I didnt get to send Brandus out at all hours of the night for whatever bizarre food combination I was craving.**

I missed alot of things, or did them a different way, when i was pregnant with Voldemort. I want to do it again?

That’s where Brandus and I are right now – discussing future evil dictators to be added to our lives. I want to adopt. Brandus wants to adopt. Later.

I would love, right now, to be able to say that we’re discussing things with an agency for international adoption, or older child domestic adoption.

I want another baby.

I dont want to be pregnant.

Brandus wants another baby.


I understand his reasoning – adoptions can take months or years, he wants the dark lordling to be a little older before looking at adopting an older child (by which i mean, not adopting a baby), he doesnt want to go through the insanity (waiting, heartbreak) of having to be put on a list and chosen by a mother giving up her baby, he wants us to adopt for the right reasons.

But, truly, i have no interest in being pregnant again. I did it, i experienced it, im over it. Some women love being pregnant, but great zombie jesus, am I not one of them.

I was seasick for 4 months straight. I threw up ALL THE TIME. Anywhere. No matter how long it had been since Id eaten, or what I’d eaten, or how much ginger I munched. Throughout, nothing tasted good, everything was gross, most of my favorite foods made me gag, i can now barely eat pizza – the very thought gives me heartburn. Everything hurt, i was tired all the time, and all those women who say that the baby kicking feels like butterfly wings or fish blinking or whatever are BIG FAT LAIRS, because I always just felt like I had gas. and let’s not even talk about the joy that is calling your doctor, being told to come in, as you’re having multiple braxon hicks contractions that arent stopping, flying 600 miles for $1700 for both of you, only to get there and have the doctor on call mock you for coming all that way for nothing.

and yes, MOCKED. the nurse was even shocked as to how he was acting.

and then there’s the kidney stones, and the early labor, and the stay in labor and delivery, and then an insanely fast labor (once again with the asshole doctor RIGHT THERE) with my husband NOT THERE, and my mother getting to see the baby before I did.

Do I really want to go through that again?

And yes, I know that there are tons of things that happened last time that wouldnt happen again – because im not in the middle of fucking nowhere, for one thing, but..

I told Brandus when Voldemort was born, that I probably wasnt going to have another. I havent changed my mind, 16 months later.

We’ve had two close brushes with adoption during these past few months, and for me, that’s enough to get me motivated on it. Let’s go, let’s apply, let’s put our names down for a foster/adopt program, let’s pick a country…

Ironic, isnt it? We both want the same thing, but have very different ways of getting there.

Maybe we should get a hamster, instead.

**I was cheated out of this one, I swear.

The New Dark Lord

Posted by on Friday, 27 April, 2007

Warning: underneath the cut is probably entirely too much TMI, as it involves labor, which involved my vagina to extremes that i dont think it was ready for. Ow.

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Posted by on Saturday, 21 April, 2007

Im having fun driving my mom crazy, because Brandus and I have named Voldemort, but we arent sharing.


Because its fun.

Well, Im not sharing. Brandus told me a few days ago that he told his ENTIRE CLASS OF FOURTH GRADERS, which annoyed me. But, whatever.

Anyway, I finally told her last night that his name started with a ‘G,’ and that was the only hint she was getting.

She came into the living room today, and asked, “You arent naming him Grover, are you? Or Goober?”

One Third

Posted by on Wednesday, 18 April, 2007

I had my nails done yesterday.

I have an appointment to get my teeth cleaned this afternoon.

After this, all I need to do is get my hair cut, and then, according to my mother’s rules, I can have the baby.

Not Quite a Baby Story

Posted by on Tuesday, 17 April, 2007

So, the whole mess with kidney stones, broken wrists and widom teeth got even more complicated.

On Tuesday, I go in to my routine appointment with my midwife – we discuss how Im feeling, how the kidney pain is, how swollen my feet are and why my face is so puffy.

I feel the need to point out that Brandus is parking the car, and isnt yet upstairs.

They want to check my cervix, because Im 36 weeks, and it will give us a better idea of when Brandus needs to come back. As he is due to be put on a plane at 2pm THAT DAY.


*pause* What?

Umm. You might want to tell Brandus to stay..

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Happy Anniversary

Posted by on Monday, 22 January, 2007

Blog for Choice Day - January 22, 2007

Today is the 34th anniversary of Roe v Wade. At Bush v Choice, they want to know why you are pro-choice.

Here’s my why.

There are many others who have better reasons, who are better writers and more eloquent than I, but I am pro-choice. And my reasons are simple.

I dont feel it is my place to tell ANYONE what can and cant be done with their body.

I mock those who get plastic surgery. I dont understand people who feel they need to have a limb amputated to be themselves.

But its not my place to stop them. To ridicule them. To tell them that what they do is illegal.

“But!” people say, “we’re talking about a BABY, not plastic surgery!”

and if we’re talking 3rd trimester, Ill buy that. I do believe that if the baby can survive out of the woman’s body, then yes, its a baby.

And Im saying that as a pregnant woman in her second trimester who would be very upset to lose her baby/fetus/whatever.

I can not and will not make decisions for someone else. Someone I dont even know.

Am I a fan of abortions?


Would I ever get an abortion?

I dont know.

But its not my place to tell you that you cant. I might be able to give you some reasons why I wouldnt, but you arent me.

I am pro-choice because you are not me, and I dont know what is going on in your head, or why you would need an abortion.

I am pro-choice because the idea of someone telling me what to do with my body is repulsive.

I am pro-choice because its my body and my own damn business.

Ashley X

Posted by on Sunday, 7 January, 2007

For those of you who missed the story of Ashley X and her “revolutionary” new treatment to make her disabled life better, Ill give you a quick run down.

Ashley is a nine year old girl, whose parents decided to remove her uterus and breast buds, as well as giving her extreme hormone therapy to keep her small and portable.

No, really. That isnt a joke.

The parents’ site is here, and goes into much more detail of their rationalizations and the whats and whys.

Their main argument, and really, I cant fault their reasoning, is that these procedures will make Ashley’s quality of life better – by keeping her small, she can be more easily moved and can therefore stay at home and participate in family activities. I can see that the family just wants what is best for her. I can. Truely, I can.

But I find this whole idea horrific.

Removal of the uterus was done to prevent her from having a period, which would be difficult to keep her clean during.

Ok, I can see that. Ive worked with severely disabled teenage girls, and, trust me, them having their period was no picnic.

Removal of the breast buds was done to make her more comfortable, as the family is prone to large breasts. Breasts would make the chest straps on her bathing chair and her stroller much more difficult to fasten, and would rub uncomfortably on Ashley. The other reason is to reduce her sexual appeal, so her caregivers wont sexually abuse her.

Ok, sure. I can get that. All of it.

But, then, there come all of the other thoughts. On one hand, as a SpEd teacher, I know how difficult it is sometimes to work and care for kids OR adults with severe/profound issues. One the other hand, WHAT THE FUCK?!

My main, main concern is this whole mess is choice.

Supposedly, Ashley has the mentality of a 3 month old, and cannot roll over, walk, talk, or hold a toy.

Prove it.

Not the lack of physical ability, but show me that she is mentally three months old.

You know what? You cant.


Because Ashley is completely nonverbal, and has no way to communicate. Without the ability to comminicate, how can we have any idea what her level of cognitive processing is? How do you evaluate it?

As far as I know (and I know there is much I dont know), you cant.

Ashley might have a lot more going on upstairs then we know about. If you look at the pictures of her on her parents’ site, she smiles, she makes some eye contact, she interacts. Her parents say she loves music and has a favorite musician. She likes watching tv.

My other issues have alot to do with the extremes gone to by the parents/doctors in the “Ashley Treatment.”

Removal of the uterus to prevent menustration?

Arent there medications that can do that? Maybe the implanted birth control? If its a birth control concern (and it might be, there is an article I cant find about a woman being sexually assaulted while in a coma/vegitative state, and her family being denied an abortion. Will look for it. ETA: Found it, check bottom of post) Why such an invasive procedure?

Why full removal of her breasts? Wouldnt the addition of all those hormones slow her breast growth anyway?

Why the extreme hormones? Do we even know what effect that might have on her later in life? Her parents state that they chose the hormones as they have been used since the 1970′s to prevent very tall girls from topping 6feet and limiting their marriage prospects, so they knew it was safe. Um..Im not even sure which direction to approach that one from.

Mostly though, they desire to keep Ashley a child (and yes, that is exactly what they are doing) is because:

Furthermore, given Ashley’s mental age a nine and a half year old body is more appropriate and more dignified than a fully grown female body.

Why is it more dignified? Why is it more “right” for her to be 40 and the size and shape of a child, than it is for her to be a 40 year old in the body of a woman?

Other people have said things much better than I can, and with much more perspective than i. Have some links. I encourage you to check them out.

Disability/Sexuality and Ashley

Did I miss something?, on medical ethics and disabilities

WIMN’s Voices examines the problem of disability and choice

Gender and disability brings up some very good points, including whether this would have been acceptable to the medical community (or even thought of by the parents) if Ashley had been male.

There are many more links that I am still working my way through, so if you come across more, pass them my way.

Any thoughts on this are also welcome.

Side note: For an interesting look at autism and someone who was misdiagnosed as severely retarded, check out Autism is a World. Its controversial, but very interesting.

ETA: The article I was looking for, about the disabled woman being denied an abortion is here. I was wrong, she wasnt in a coma, but she does have seizures, CP and autism. Oh, and the mental abilities of a one year old. Thanks, Jeb Bush!

Has anyone heard of a resolution on this one?

Countdown to Drinks

Posted by on Friday, 1 December, 2006


finally! one of those damn countdown calenders that doesnt make me want to puke with the cutsey!

not that i drink margaritas, even when non-pregnant. but still, hee!

we did make it to Anchorage, 2 days later than planned, and had a very short, slightly stressful visit with brandus’s parents, during which nothing blew up and no major fights occured, so hey, score!

i did get two very gorgeous pieces of art from them for Christmas, and im thrilled with that. Of course, I couldnt ever think of anything for them to get me, and they wouldnt accept the normal, “pay off the credit card! pay off some of the car! give us grocery money!” which they NEVER accept, because “its not something fun.”

hell, it would be fun for ME, but oh well. very pretty art.

although, people? DONT talk to the belly instead of me, mmkay? And DONT, for heaven’s sake, ignore me, dont refer to me, and instead, just discuss “the baby” like i dont exist.

“Someone needs a new coat! We dont want the baby getting cold!”
“Wow, the baby really likes chocolate dipped strawberries!”



Posted by on Thursday, 9 November, 2006



Ok, im better. but really, the finding out i was knocked up was startling, but the owning of maternity clothes seems to be more wildly REAL than anything else. even seeing the little shrimp on the initial ultrasound.

how weird is that?


Posted by on Sunday, 29 October, 2006

Sorry for the distraction and the lack of being here, but what can i say about life in rural Alaska? Its cold, it snows, which is better than the ice, because i dont wind up on my ass.

the kids are cool, although things are pretty different up here.

“what’s the capital of the united states?”

um..not quite…

i AM pregnant, which is somewhere between wildly entertaining and OMGHELP. it was planned, we have been trying for about a year, but we didnt exactly expect to get up here to the middle of nowhere and suddenly discover that i was pregnant! im about 14 weeks along today, and according to the doctor and books and people who have done this before, the crippling nausea should go away ANY DAY NOW.

also, it seems my contact page is being weird..hmm. anyway, feel free to email me at alianoraATgmailDOTcom, and i promise ill try to be better about updating.


Posted by on Monday, 9 October, 2006

FINALLY. We’re back and online and functional and all that good stuff. Long story involving getting hacked by a script that sent out tons of spam emails that caused my server to fully SHUT DOWN.

i shouldnt be proud, especially because it wasnt actually my fault, but nonetheless. i killed an entire server of my host! its amazing!

regardless, we now have a shiny NEW host, new passwords, and new script protection (i hope), so hopefully, there will be no further issues.

I have much to tell you, including how Alaska is going (cold) and the results of a pregnancy test (postitive), but I shall tell those a bit later. :)


Posted by on Thursday, 23 February, 2006

Its been a long couple of weeks. Mimi’s funeral was Friday, which was a great way to end my first week at my new job. The whole weekend was spent with Brandus’s family and boxing up stuff.

Then, we got to run back up here and go BACK to new job.

And tomorrow, myself and some other women are doing “The Vagina Monologues” and there are rumors of me getting some sort of recognition for my work in it the past three years.

Anybody up in Greeley, CO way tomorrow, we’re performing at the UCCC at 8pm on Friday, Feb 24.

Like the Bermuda Triangle

Posted by on Saturday, 5 March, 2005

Last night was Cowtown’s performance of The Vagina Monologues. This is my second year involved, and the third year for Cowtown.

Im still amazed that Cowtown doesnt spontaneously combust or go up in flames. This year, we even had some protesters. we felt very big time.

Lots of discussion about vaginas under the cut.
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