Dairy Queen

So, I have a baby. This is a pretty well established fact here.

This baby, he is breastfed. Exclusively.

I work during the day, which means the child must to take a bottle.

In order to give a bottle, the child, he must have milk to go in this bottle.

This is a longwinded, annoying way for me to explain that while at work, I must produce this milk for the child to have in the bottle.

Which means pumping.


Now, I work in a school. Schools are generally known for random closets or at least the occasional office that you would be able to close yourself into behind a nice cooperative locked door in order to do this fun thing. However, my school mocks that idea by having absolutely no rooms without windows that lock, and no offices i could borrow. The counselor has an office, and she would be more than willing to loan it to me, but there are students who insist on KNOCKING AND KNOCKING AND KNOCKING until i cannot do this thing because my nerves are shot to hell and im twitching.

So, the only room which is available is the conference room in the library.

Which is usually fine. The librarians know where i am and what im doing, and they dont care.

The PROBLEM is that the video conferencing equipment is in the same room, and there are sometimes conferences planned.

So, Im sitting. With my back to the door and the camera, because Im not insane, when I hear it.



“Just a second!!”

*keys rattle*


And then? There is my principal. My very conservative principal.

And Im sitting there nearly topless wearing nothing but a couple of suction cups.

It gets better, believe it or not.

After he ducks back out again, apologizing and muttering, the camera turns on.

“Is this thing on? Kotlik, are you there?”


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4 Responses to Dairy Queen

  1. melisa says:

    I think I just spit coffee all over my office! Hilarious! I can’t wait to hear this in person. Also, an acquaintance of mine calls pumping “feeding the giant robot baby”

  2. Emily says:

    *waits for it*

    ahhhhh yes. Thank you for reminding me why I’m not quite ready for another baby.

  3. shannon says:

    coffee almost came out of my nose

  4. Louise says:


    Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at your pain.