Rather Be In Labor

This weekend was not the nice relaxing weekend I had expected.

On Friday, Brandus and I were coming out to Anchorage to get me settled in until Lord Voldemort makes his appearance.

That morning, a few hours before the plane came, our coworker fell and broke her wrist rather badly.

We were coming in anyway, so we just brought her with us so she wouldnt have to be medevac’d.

I took her to the hospital, because she was pretty out of it – and sent Brandus to the new apartment to get keys and unpacked and stuff.

At this point, I need to point out that Brandus has been having some pain in his teeth, so he calls while Im at the hospital with her, and tells me he got a last minute dentist appointment.

Ok. Sure.

So, I sit with her, and talk to the doctor, and she has broken both bones in her arm right underneath her wrist and it might need surgery. She is VERY VERY out of it on Vicadin.

And now I cant get in touch with Brandus..and its been a couple of hours, and Im a little concerned…

He finally calls, as Im sitting with our coworker in the lobby waiting for him, and he mumbles:

“I jus’ have my wisom teef out.”


Yep. We expected the dentist to give him some antibiotics and some pain killers and a “come back Monday.”

But no..they yanked one wisdom tooth and the tooth beside it that it was SHATTERING, gave him Vicadin, and sent him to get us.

And so, I have two people on serious pain killers who are more than a little loopy..and Im 36 weeks pregnant.

Oh boy.


Oh, yeah, it gets better. Just wait for it.

I wake up at 3:30 am Saturday with some serious lower back pain and alot of nausea. I take two mild painkillers and pace around the apartment until about 5 am, when it eases up and I go back to bed.

Im thinking, no way is this labor. That would just be ironic.

I wake up again at 6:30am – the pain is back. I take three mild painkillers, which dont do a darn thing, and try to stretch out the pain.

I take a hot shower, I stretch, I give in and call the OB nurse on call – Im not having contractions, no cramping, just the back pain. And yes, the baby is moving around and seems fine.

Weeeelllll, you could try some vicadin?

I scarf some of Brandus’s, check in on the coworker, who’s more awake and together, and Brandus, who is in pain, but seems ok otherwise.

The vicadin does NOTHING.

It takes me until about 9 am to realize that this pain is wildly, horrifically familiar.

When I was in college, I spent a solid week hooked up to a saline IV in my house, drugged out of my mind with painkillers, dealing with kidney stones. I can remember a grand total of a few hours of that week, and I know it was Christmas…but otherwise, Ive got nothing.

And honestly, at this point, Im laying on the floor of the bedroom, rocking back and forth, crying, and thinking, oh god, i would rather be in labor.

So, back we go to the hospital, to the maternity unit, because thats where you go when you’re 36 weeks pregnant and having any kind of strange anything.

Im not contracting, the baby is fine, oh, and I have kidney stones.


So, we now have three people in the apartment, and all of us are on serious painkillers.

We’re all feeling better and a little less sideways, but wow. What a weekend.

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3 Responses to Rather Be In Labor

  1. melisa says:

    I dont think that the Anchorage portion of your life was supposed to be a Griswold affair and yet, you managed to make it so. 🙂

    Wishing you fast passage with the Stones.

  2. Liz says:

    Well, now you have kidney stones AND labor. This must be the best example EVER of “be careful what you wish for.”

    I hope by now you have either a baby or some really, really, fantastic painkillers. If not, I’ll call around and see if anyone can bring you some bucketbrew.

    You should have my e-mail address now, so write if you ever get the chance now that you have a real live baby. Does this mean you have to quit calling it (him?) Voldemort? Because it’s kind of catchy.

    Hopefully you’ll still get a chance at a haircut and a pedicure.

    The birds are coming back so Brandon might as well take his time getting home because every kid old enough to hold a gun (which is what, two? three?) is going to be out blasting away and missing tons of school anyway.

    Also, your replacement seems like a nice enough lady but she never comes to discuss gay porn with me. It’s very sad.


  3. robin says:

    Oh, my. So sorry to hear about the kidney stones. Not that it’s any comfort, but I had kidney stones too during both of my pregnancies. Ugh. But I honestly felt that labor wasn’t so bad compared to kidney stones.