Shake Your Money Maker
1. I have a Thing about my belly button. I was very anxious during pregnancy. The idea of it “popping” from an innie to an outie freaked me out completely. Its not the look of it – I was very freaked out about how it would feel if it brushed against my clothes. Or my hand. Im totally giving myself the heebie jeebies right now.
The child stuck his finger in my belly button the other day. I think I scared him when I yelped.
2. I normally wake up wearing less clothes than I fell asleep in. And no, it’s not Brandus molesting me in my sleep. He doesnt care if Im wearing socks or not.
I go to bed in a tshirt, socks, and pj pants. I wake up in a shirt. Sometimes socks and pants end up beside the bed. Sometimes they’re under my pillow.
3. There is a large variety of food that I wont eat because I dont like how it feels in my mouth. Seafood. Mushrooms. Onions. Pureed anything.
I can trace my onion issues back to MacDonald’s hamburgers. As a kid, I would always order a plain hamburger, and they used those little chopped onions that got everywhere, and one or two or fifteen hundred always ended up on the burger, leaving me to squish down into it and do the dance of revulsion. Gag.
4. I never plucked my eyebrows until the last year or so. I had never heard of something so ridiculous.
Even now, I only do it when Im bored, just out of the shower, and trying to put off leaving the bathroom – because when I do, a spider monkey follows me around and tries to eat off my plate and snatches keys off my keyboard and chases the cats until they escape.
5. A few months ago, one of my friends came over to my house while I was still in my pajamas. “OOOH!” I said, “You’ve got to see my underpants!”
And yes, I dropped trou.
She loved the undies. She should, they have a dinosaur on them and the butt says RROWR.
Brandus thought it was awesome.