A Long December

December is a hard month. I know that. It’s dark. It’s cold.

And I’ve got a divorce hovering over my head, the first Christmas without him, and the upcoming anniversary of the scariest day of my life when he had a seizure. And the anniversary of everything really falling apart.

I know. I do. And I know it will pass. And I’ll make it through.

But it’s hard.

I know I’m battling depression. It’s pretty obvious.

I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t even think about the new Star Wars.

I’ve seen the trailer once. I’ve barely looked at any of the media about it.

And trust me, I know how dumb it sounds. But I really really love Star Wars. Han Solo was my first love. My senior year of college, the original trilogy were running constantly in the background. And now I can’t even fathom finding the enthusiasm that is really needed to even go see the new one in the theater.

And that makes me sadder.

I’ll be ok. I’m hormonal, and I have a cold, and a shit ton of other baggage, but it’s ok.

And I’ll go see Star Wars – not the opening weekend, and maybe not for a while. But I’ll go. And I’ll get through the holidays, and make it through December, and survive the divorce.

I know I’ll be ok. I just need a little more time.