Im going to start a new exercise regimen. Im going to market it, make videos, go on tv, and make millions of dollars.
It’s called, “How Fast Can That Child Move?”
It involves constantly counting children on the playground, bracing yourself for the inevitable moment when one particular five year old child goes hurtling towards one of the gates. THE GATES HE CAN OPEN. When this happens, you must instantly throw yourself after the child full tilt, because if this kid makes it out the gates, there is no fucking way you’ll be able to catch him. And, as an added bonus, if you lose this kid, you’ll get a HUGE ASS LECTURE from your micromanaging principal about “SUPERVISION!” or very probably fired. Who knows? LET’S KEEP THAT HEART RATE UP!
And! For a low low price of $19.99 a month for the rest of your life, I will cheerfully explain that this happens for an ENTIRE HOUR, and you will have to be on your guard, because today might be a day where he runs for it 8 times, or maybe only two! And you will be be on a full out sprint to catch him, because that little fucker is FAST. It’s Interval training at it’s finest!
Call now! Only 2 spots available for this amazing offer* – TODAY ONLY!
I WILL MAKE MILLIONS. I PLAN TO BUY A YACHT AND A PONY. VOLDEMORT WILL BE GIVEN HIS OWN PRIVATE COUNTRY TO DESTROY.
*after my TA and I drop dead of exhaustion