February Blue

I don’t know what it is about February.

It’s such a short month, but there is something about it that makes it so much harder and longer than other months.

I’m so tired of February.

It’s the slow dark slide down into depression every year.

I’m ok. I’ll be ok. I’ll pull myself back up and make sure the kid gets to school and makes it to activities and skypes with the co-parent, and during the day, I can handle it.

But night is hard.

The kid is asleep, and the house is quiet. And I’m tired but I don’t want to go to bed, because when you go to bed, the next day comes.

And I’ve cleaned and I’ve baked and that held it back for a while, but now here it is. Hovering over me again.

I know that going to work keeps me distracted – I don’t have much time to start the twin wheels of anxiety and depression that sit in my head when I’m dealing with ridiculous teacher drama – but the very idea of going to work makes me want to hide in my bed and sleep.

It’s just depression, and depression lies.

I just have to keep going.

March will be here soon.