I believe Ive mentioned that the dark lord steals keys off of my keyboard. I generally neglect to mention that only some of those keys can be put back. Honestly, for the last 6 months or so, I’ve been typing without actually having a letter p key. or the key i would use to make a semi colon. although i cannot think for any reason why i would want to use a semi colon, MAYBE ONE DAY I WOULD, and i would not be able to without that key.

ive been without my right shift key for almost as long, and it was an adjustment learning to use ONLY the left shift key, when before i only shifted to the right. my right. i only used the right shift key while shifting to the right.

whatever.

but, i had trained myself well, and shifted LEFT and only left and ignored all things right and shifty, and this was working fine until the unthinkable happened about a month ago.

the dark lord stole my LEFT shift key.

now, most of the other keys on dell inspiron 9300 beloved computer named Madmartigan could be popped on and off, so long as the little rubber dohickey was still under the key, but the shift key is a whole different ball game. that sucker is attached with a weird little wire, and if that wire gets out of place, that key ain’t going back on there. so, when i saw the thing go flying across the couch when the little evil one got his hands on it, i knew it was the end of shifting.

no more punctuating, except commas and periods. no more easy and specific capitalizing. no, if i wanted to capitalize, id have to use capslock, and that’s really only worth it if you want to CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING FOREVER AFTER BECAUSE GEEZE HOW MUCH WORK IS IT TO PRESS THAT BUTTON *TWICE* TO TURN IT ON AND THEN BACK OFF EVERY TIME I WISH TO YELL AT PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET?

i mean, i COULD shift (left, thank you) when i wanted to, but i had to have my finger at a really weird angle and hold it down and geeze, talk about exhausting.

i took a picture of the carnage, just for you.

so, i went online and ordered a new keyboard from dell for madmartigan.

correction: i ordered a keyboard from dell that was compatible, during checkout, they offered me a different (cheaper!) keyboard for my laptop and i said, “hey! it’s cheaper! and it’s recommended down there at the bottom during checkout! of course that means it is compatible!”

so, within a few days, a box from dell is left on my porch (seriously. hello? why must you leave things that blaze DELL all alone on my porch? after the last time when i came home to see MY LAPTOP all by itself on my very public porch (not here, somewhere else) and hyperventilated and told you it was STOLEN just to freak you out, damn you dhl), i yell YAY and con brandus into installing it.

first, we have not the correct tools with which to take it apart. says i, “do you really need to take the whole case apart?” says he, “yes.”

so, next day, we get tool, we take case off. which we didnt need to do, because the front of the keyboard face pops right off without issues.

we install (and by “we,” i mean “he who is not me”) and SURPRISE, it doesnt work. because it isnt compatible. oh, dell checkout lure of evil, why must you lie so cruelly?

oh, and in the process of attempting to replace the old keyboard’s chip back into the..thing it talks to that tells the brain it has a keyboard, a little piece that held the chip in came out.

so now, not only am i missing keys (seven in that picture up there, plus two that are reversed), but a random row of keys will periodically stop working when the one pin slides out of alignment. so randomly, i would have no A, and no way to exclaim, and really, if i cannot type very capitalized exclaiming A’s, then my life is incomplete.

Brandus rescued me, as always. he bought me a usb keyboard. which is sitting on top of my broken keyboard on my laptop. i keep knocking it off and hitting the wrong keys anyway.

maybe i should have stuck with funny angled left shifting and non exclaimed lower case A’s. it probably would be just as easy.