Im really struggling right now.

when we left alaska, I made the very difficult decision to let a family who was very eager and, it seemed, loving, adopt my cat, Una. i made the decision because Una needed to be in a one cat household. she needed somewhere that would accept her tendency to hide and be skittish, and most importantly, she needed to not be further traumatized by traveling thousands of miles.

the family approached us. i talked to them, i introduced them to Una, i explained her sensitivity. i took a solid week to think it over and say goodbye and get her settled into a new family.

they nodded and smiled and petted her, and seemed perfectly thrilled to get such a loving cat.

i found out about a month ago that they didnt have her anymore. they didnt like her tendency to hide, so they gave her to someone else.

they gave her to someone who i wouldnt trust to take care of a plant, much less a cat.

i found out today that the new family let her go.

they just…sent her outside. in a village where feral dogs roam, they let my indoor only, very sensitive, very skittish, very confused cat, they LET HER OUT.

i dont even know if she’s being FED, i dont know if she’ll survive the next couple of months, much less the winter, where it routinely gets to 40 below. some of the kids say they’ve seen her haunting our old house, and i hope she is. because i know my neighbor will bring her in if she sees her.

she’s my BABY. i cried for quite a while after giving her away, and i still get sad when i think about giving her away, but THIS. This is like a kick in the gut.

i am devastated. i feel responsible. i feel like we should have made a different choice, should have found a different way to find her a new home. a home where i thought she would be taken care of, and loved, and get plenty of attention.

i feel awful.