The Who Ate the What?

Posted on 12/31/2007 by alianora

For Senior Voldemort this year for the holiday season (whatever one you happen to celebrate. We happen to have an odd mix of Solstice and Christmas), Brandus and I got him a Leapfrog LittleTouch LeapPad. Which is pretty much what you think it is, only smaller, less complicated, and in pastels.

One of the books we got for it is the generic “animals” book, which is really cute. Each 2 page spread has a different region on it, and lots of different animals. It sings songs, makes animals noises, and you can choose a little button that does the “Animal Dance!” Kiddo seems a little confused by it, but hey, its new, and he’s still little.

We were looking through it this morning and I got distracted by the tv while we were on the “outback animal” page.

When I look down to see the child bound and determined to get the whole page in his mouth at once, the only thing i can think of to say is, “Hey! The dingo is supposed to eat YOU!”

Posted in geek, voldemort | Tagged | 3 Comments

Cannot Brain, Have the Dumb

Posted on 12/27/2007 by alianora

In a conversation with a good friend, who recently underwent gastric bypass surgery:

“In all the things I read, I kept reading about how these women who had the surgery suddenly started losing their female friends.”

“That’s the dumbest thing Ive ever heard. Admittedly, Ive passed down to you all of the jeans that I can and your ass is now smaller than mine, I do kinda hate you, but in a really loving way.”

“Yeah. But all of my awesome slutty clothes dont fit now. And they’re too big for you. But, I was thinking about that, and, the truth is, I can’t see anything like that happening with my friends.”

“Well, we are fabulous.”

“Yes, you are. And Ive decided its because most of my female friends dont identify themselves by their looks first. They identify by their intelligence.”

“Well, yeah. You can call me ugly and hurt my feelings a little, but if you say Im stupid, Im gonna be pissed.”

“You have very nice cleavage today, by the way.”

“And your brain looks FABULOUS in that outfit.”

Posted in *poke* | Tagged | 2 Comments

A New Twist on the Twist

Posted on 12/18/2007 by alianora

How to make a screaming baby happy:

-FEED

No..that didnt work. Wanna know how to tell? HE BITES.

-HOLD

Nope, back arching and flailing arms and LET ME PULL YOUR HAIR

-REMOVE PANTS*

Naked baby=happy

*according to reports, this one works on just about any male

Posted in voldemort | Tagged | 3 Comments

How We Usually Spend Our Nights

Posted on 12/3/2007 by alianora

*phone rings*

“You get it.”
“I’m not here.”
“It’s your parents.”

*ring*

“It’s your sister.”
“It’s probably a student.”
“Maybe it’s the babysitter.”
“I bet it’s that guy who wants to borrow money from you.”
“I said no!”

*ring*

“You said MAYBE. Which means, ask me again later.”
“I dont want to loan him money!”
“Then tell him NO.”

*ring*

“Are you going to get that?”
“No, because it’s your parents. You get it.”

*click*

“…oops.”

Posted in mawwiage | 3 Comments

Places and Faces

Posted on 12/3/2007 by alianora

I dont talk about the bad stuff where we live all that often.

Part of it is because its “normal” for out here, partly because i dont like the startled looks people give us, or the lectures from my father.

Right now, the Dark Lord is snoozing beside me in his stroller. Im at work. He isnt at home with the babysitter, where he normally is.

The babysitter is in Anchorage, which we knew about. She’ll be gone for a week.

She missed a day last week, because she wanted to take him over to her house, which she has done in the past.

We said no. She decided to take the day off rather than walk back to the house, get her baby, and walk back.

Really?

2 days after she comes to us and tells us that her boyfriend hit her? That he kicked her out of the house, barefoot, in her pajamas, with her baby still sleeping inside Thanksgiving night? That he was drunk?

2 days after she asked us to take pictures of the scratches and bumps on her face, and the bruises on her wrists? after we offered her a place to stay?

She wants to take MY KID over to his house?

Are you KIDDING ME?

Posted in rant | 2 Comments