After countless applications, very few calls, and even fewer interviews, I FINALLY HAVE A JOB.

I’m still in preK SpEd, and I think this job will be a much better fit, as one of the reasons I was bored at my last job was because I really only had 1 kid with a significant disability. Here, it will be a pretty even mix. AND Voldemort should be able to attend Kindergarten there, which is good, because the downside to this job is the fact the school day is an hour longer than normal. Yeesh.

And they start earlier, so I’ve had to cancel half of the only summer travel plans I had in order to be here on time, but hey, employment means getting to eat, and that does have to come first.

I’m still going to be traveling, and I will update when I can, but it might be a little spotty.

Mainly because sometimes I suck at updating, but hey!

I’m working part time during the summer – mainly because i am still not employed for next year – but when I’m not working, this is what we do around the house.

Step 1: Tell kid excitedly that you have an activity for him.

Step 2: Collect supplies. In this case – cornstarch, water, and food coloring.

Step 3: Drag kid away from ipad.

Step 4: Dump cornstarch, food coloring, and water into a muffin tin.

Step 5: Paint sidewalk.

Step 6: Distract kid for almost an hour.

Step 7: Wait a day, give child squirt bottle. Enjoy your hour of peace as he happily squirts all of the paint off the sidewalk.

I got frustrated with boring clothes covered in gender stereotypes, so I made my own that show stereotypes lie. Let me know what you think, if you like/dislike, or have any suggestions. Only 4 designs to start, just to see what people think.

And if you feel inclined and want to buy? Go for it.

The A/C in the house is broken. It’s been broken for over a month, and as it turns out, we need a new compressor, which would be about $1800 to replace on an 11 year old appliance that needs to be replaced, or we need a new one, which latest quote from a slimy guy I refuse to let Brandus talk to again, would be over $2800.

So, we melt.

Brandus and I do, anyway. The child doesn’t seem to care – he’s currently wearing a sweatshirt and keeps hiding under the blankets and talking about how cozy he is. I think he must be broken, because he is weird.

It’s been getting to about 87 downstairs, and that’s with all the windows open, the ceiling fan, and a box fan, and upstairs is SO MUCH WORSE, which means we aren’t sleeping and are cranky, even with all the windows open, the ceiling fan, and a box fan.

Tonight, we’re dragging out the air mattress and sleeping in the living room. Although I am reluctant to sleep naked in my living room with the blinds open, for some reason.

The kid is whining about being cold and wanting another blanket. What is wrong with this picture?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Definitions:

A continuous state of anxiety marked by feelings of worry and dread, apprehension, difficulties in concentration, and signs of motor tension.

or

An anxiety disorder in which a person typically has vague feelings that something bad is going to happen. Excessive or unrealistic worries often are so persistent that the individual cannot make them go away and has difficulty concentrating on daily tasks

Or

What I’ve finally accepted I have

I’ve been on and off anti-anxiety/antidepressants for several years now, and up until a few months ago, when I went back on zoloft again, I had always blamed needing the meds on my job. My principal is mean, the kids are hard, I hate teaching. I’d like to say that being on meds helped me see that my principal is a normal person, that kids are kids, and that I adore teaching, but that would be a filthy lie. They have, however, helped me deal with all of those issues.

Especially in NC, when I was working for a megalomaniac who nit picked everything the entire staff did and frequently called out staff members’ mistakes/problems by name and over the intercom or in the middle of staff meetings.

But then we moved to CO, and it was lovely. I love our house and our neighborhood and being back close to my VDay ladies, and even the job was going ok. I was ok. I was happy, even.

So I stopped the meds. I went off of them.

And finally, 2 months ago, I finally had to admit that it’s not all because of work. Work is a heavy contributor, I think, but it’s not all of it.

Sure, when the guy who is sort of in charge of the new teachers comes in to a staff meeting, it’s a perfectly logical response to immediately think that he is there to tell the principal that you’ve fucked up and aren’t fulfilling your new teacher requirements.

It makes perfect sense to occasionally dwell over a single embarrassing incident that happened to SOMEBODY ELSE over 15 years ago.

Going to bed and replaying the possibilities of what horrible thing might happen to an imaginary character when he walks into the room in the next chapter of a story I’m reading is a valid thing to do.

Except where it isn’t. Because that’s actually a little crazy. So, i have pills! That make it easier for me to deal with this weird shit and has reduced my dwelling time by at least half. Would I need meds if I wasn’t working? Maybe not, if I didn’t have to deal with extended exposure to the same people. But, I have to work to eat. And I have to have meds to work.

So, all hail Zoloft and it’s ability to keep me from replaying the embarrassment of being named “Most Improved Swimmer” for my high school swim team.