My Nose Says Beep

When I was a kid, I went to Space Camp.

..For three years in a row, because i AM that much of a nerd.

Anyway, my second year, I had this really awesome group of people as my team, and we all seemed to share a similar fucked up sense of humor.

For example, we got great joy out of “beeping” each other’s noses. So much joy, in fact, that it gradually morphed over the week we were together from “beep” to each person having their own individual sound/phrase/expression.

My nose said “Out of order.” Ox’s nose said, “I’ll rip out your eyes and piss in your dead skull.”

I think Ox didnt like having his nose beeped.

Regardless, the memory of space camp and noses came back to me today, when, while playing with his father, Voldemort reached up to his own nose, pushed it, and said, “boop!”

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Shiny New Year

I spent the first day of 2009 much the same way I want to spend the rest of 2009 – sitting on my butt in my pajamas with my computer.

I took plenty of breaks to chase a small, generally naked child* around the house for all of our amusement, and then Voldemort and I watched Rudolph’s Shiny New Year.

Brandus made dinner, I made cookies, and now the kid is in bed, and Brandus and I are staring at screens until we go crosseyed. It has been an excellent day!

I hope you have had good ones as well. Have a good 2009!

*he’s started waking up early in the morning for the express purpose of stripping off his shirt, getting cold, and yelling until we come get him

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Crouching Buddha, Hidden Jesus

When my mom was here for Thanksgiving, she pulled out all of the presents she had for Voldemort for me to approve.

In that pile were two horrifying outfits, several toys, and a couple of cute books that she went into great length about.

You can imagine our surprise, then, when we opened our gifts the other day.

Interestingly, the books had MUTATED or SPAWNED or something to MAGICALLY include a book we had never seen before! It definitely wasn’t in the pile of things we had approved, and, seeing as the gifts had been left here, it’s not like she threw in something extra at the last minute.

No, staring up at us, with no way to explain how he had gotten there was: THE BABY JESUS, MY FIRST BIBLE STORIES.

Now, this might not sound like much to those of you who are Christian and religious, but frankly, my mother’s continued worry about my soul has been..tiring. And i know exactly why that book wasn’t in the approved pile.

Because she figured we wouldn’t approve it.

Which is dumb, frankly, because we plan to expose him to all manner of religions, and then he can make up his own dang mind.

So, just to make sure the Jesus book didn’t scar him, we taught him a very important word today. While we were playing on our bed (or rather, while I should have been able to sleep in, but my husband threw the baby on me), the Dark Lord saw Brandus’ Buddha sitting on his bedside table.

It comes out a little wonky, but it is, in fact, clearly the word ‘Buddha.’

I cant wait to tell my mom!

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An Apple for the Teacher

Reason number one why you shouldnt give gifts to teachers on the holidays:

Either we have too many, we never wanted it, it’s clutter, or we regift it.

Brandus got a large haul of stuff, including breads, cookies, and several of those ‘gift sets,’ from starbucks, with hot chocolate, popcorn ones..we regifted the nicest ones to our daycare, because hey, we’re broke and they need nice things too, and we are still drowning in gourmet snack foods.

i got a few cards, and several things of chocolate. and a stuffed dolphin from one of the kids in Brandus’ class, which was really sweet of her.

best of all? we have TWO WEEKS OF VACATION. now THAT’S a present!

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Blood and Tears

Day one with 5 students:

3 kids cried
1 potty accident
2 diapers
1 injured kid
1 lecturing mom

and a partridge in a pear tree with vodka

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