Ah, 2014. I would say I was counting on you to be better than 2014, but seeing as 2013 ended and you began with me dealing with strep, a UTI, and a kidney stone, I would be lying, because you are already well on your way to sucking.

Admittedly, it’d be pretty dang hard to be WORSE than 2013, which included, among other things: pancreatitis, hospitalization, gallbladder surgery, an episode of severe depression (none of which were me), moving to one income, and dealing with a few crazy people in conjunction with dealing with brandus’ mom’s estate/house who might possibly break in and steal everything and/or squat there.

There were some bright spots. We got a puppy. I got am awesome new nephew. Voldemort continues to be hilarious and weird and doesn’t give many fucks about people who don’t get that boys like My Little Pony and headbands. I won NaNoWriMo for the very first time, even though my sign up and pursuit of winning had much to do with avoiding the negative shit that was coming down at that point.

So, really, 2014, I’m not asking for much. I’m asking for less medical visits. I’m asking for mental health support. I’m asking for more time to write, and more time to cook, and someone to come in and clean my house on occasion. I’m asking for my kid to continue to be awesome and ignore the haters and stick with piano. I’m asking for my husband to find a freaking hobby already.

Is that a lot? Is it too much? I’m just asking for some breathing room, really. Can we do that, 2014? Please?

Family, lately, has been very stressful. I’m not going to give details, because no, but really, things have been really up and down.

The ups have resulted in Brandus installing a new kitchen sink to replace our perfectly adequate kitchen sink, and installing a new bathroom sink to replace our cracked and leaking one.

This has resulted in some downs, namely that all of the crap he used to replace the bathroom sink is still all over the bathroom and nothing has been put away. And it’s really not fun to step on a caulk gun when stumbling to the bathroom first thing in the morning.

The other main up is that he’s been getting up with the kid on weekend mornings and letting me sleep in, which is AMAZING and WONDERFUL and i love him dearly for it.

The other main down is that i have no time to clean the kitchen and he has no energy, and so we drown underneath dirty plates and we’ve been out of spoons for long enough to have Brandus go out and buy a new silverware set from Walmart.

This last situation has resulted in approximately two fights, three sulks, and one storm out of the house.

Status quo has been upset, and we have not yet settled into the new normal.

November left me a little dazed and off kilter. It was a busy month. As mentioned earlier, I was taking 3 classes on English Language Development as well as one Masters level class on Early Childhood Special Ed, and that took up a lot of busy work time I could have been using to pick my nose or drool into a cup. And in October, we had a severe family crisis that took up much time and stress and we’re still dealing with the fallout of that, so naturally, I decided i should TOTALLY take on Nanowrimo again, which was another level of time suck and stress.

So, now it’s December, and while I won nanowrimo, I think I might have run out of words. I stare at the blinking cursor on the Spiral’s dashboard and try to think my way through things to find something to talk about.

I go to movies and compose mental essays and comparisons on how female characters are treated but when I go to write them, I don’t have the wit or the energy to be able to summon either the enthusiasm or the vitriol to deal with it.

Movies in short:
1) I loved Pacific Rim, Mako Mori is a BAMF, and the giant robots are RIDICULOUS and AWESOME, and the movie that sets itself up to be all about a white male’s manpain ends up being about how awesome and badass an Asian woman is.

2) Catching Fire was fucking AMAZING and Katniss continues to be irritated by people trying to make her choose between guys when all she wants to do is NOT DIE. I know what’s going to happen in Mockingjay and I’m already crying in anticipation.

3) Voldemort’s school had a movie night and we went and watched The Polar Express with a bunch of other kids in their pajamas, and on our way home, I pointed out that there was really only 1 female character in the entire movie. ONE. Tom Hanks is the conductor, the random dude on the roof of the train (is hobo a derogative term? honest question), an elf, and Santa. The waiters and the chefs and all of the elves we saw were ALLLLLL male. Even if you count the boy’s mom and sister, you have a ratio that looks rather like 2000:3. Which is not cool. At all. I pointed this out to Voldemort, who until this point had been rambling about the bell they gave him at the end (which he slept with, and is currently obsessively ringing while he watches…something), and when I said it, he got really quiet and then he said, in a very tragic, choked voice, “That’s so sad.”

4) We’re seeing Frozen this weekend. I’ll let you know. Maybe.

I have taken on NaNoWriMo again this year, after a several year hiatus, and I actually feel confident (today, at this very moment) that I will finish this year.

I can’t be positive I’ll finish, of course, but it’s coming so much easier this year, and I’m not sure why.

I think in past years, part of the reason I struggled is because I had this set idea in my head of what kind of space I needed to write.

Silence, no interruptions, writing music, whatever.

This year though, I’m writing on my lunch break at work, on the floor with my laptop balanced precariously on a chair in front of me (don’t ask me to sit in the chairs – they’re designed for preschoolers and are therefore teeny), at home with the puppy licking my elbow, and like right now, at the library while Voldemort runs back and forth from the kids’ area with pretend food and special things he built out of legos just for me.

And I’m writing.

And my plot is moving along, and my characters are developing, and I’m not getting too hung up on certain details. I’m just making notes to myself within the text of stuff I’m not sure of and moving on.

This is a cool feeling. And it’s been even cooler to look up and realize that, while I’m not completely on word count, I’m close. And more importantly? That I’m writing a book.