Was reading about the popgurls family christmas traditions today, and started wondering about other peoples.

In my fam, we were not even allowed in the den when we were kids until the camera was set up. and it took FOREVER. we would stand on the very bottom steps, pushing each other, waiting until we heard, “This is Christmas” cause it meant daddy finally had the video camera working. now, its a little different. we live in a different house, so we go upstairs now..and we have breakfast first..but we still cant enter the room until Daddy has the camera set up.

I have 24 silver bells engraved with my name and the year i got them. this is a mom tradition. im not that excited about it, but its there. its gotten to the point we can spot the bell box from 100 yards. “Gee, Mom, I wonder what THIS is.” and we roll our eyes and put it down. next year should be my last bell, i think. 25 is the number. i think im supposed to get them then, but im not sure my sisters have been given theirs yet either. i think the bells are something Mom wanted. Hey, maybe we should each get her one this year. hmm..

im the only kid whos going to be home for christmas this year. Melisa has to work, and Natalie and Dave are on his family’s rotation this year. next year, Brandon and I have to start rotating as well. but this year, im the only one who’ll be at home.

its weird. cause when i was little, and the sisters had hit their teens, id bang on their doors and PLEAD for them to get up so we could open presents. then, i got older, and i was the one who they would tease for being lazy and laying in bed. now, we usually all stagger upstairs whenever, eat, and then open presents.

im still usually the last one up.

so this year? im not sure. its not the same. its kind of lonely being the only kid waiting outside the living room door, and Daddy doesnt really set up the camera for very long.

2 people sit, looking at some pictures.

Who is everyone?

Yeah.

Pause.

My sister’s a lesbian.

Pause. Examine’s picture closely. Then:

How does that make you feel?

last night on AMC, i watched Malkovich’s Mail, which was really cool and very weird all at the same time.

there was one kid who wrote screenplays (and i tagged him as a SpEd, thank you) all about dinosaurs and cyber dinosaurs. one guy wrote about modeling the lead after himself, and one lady wrote a murder mystery. somebody else wrote about a hunchbacked dwarf.

and all these people want John Malkovich to produce and star in their movies.

most letters dont even get to john, folks. it was great to see the secretary smirk every time a new call for “hey, can i talk to john, please? tell him its _____”

but he did look at some. and as a favor, did a videotape of a reading of each screenplay for the people featured.

seeing the kids face (kid. he was older than me.) when john was pretending to be a cyberdinosaur was the greatest thing ever. and i thought the murder mystery lady was going to cry.

there was one guy who watched his videotape and STARTED CRITIQUING JOHN’S ACTING.

“I know if we just worked on it together, he could just blow the roof off this scene.”

this was the guy who wanted john to be a dwarf who owns a resturant and gets a mail order bride from russia.

it was very cool, very weird, and very worthwhile. catch it next time around.

over thanksgiving, we decided it was time to meet the long lost half of the family. so we get together for the first time in over thirty years with my grandfather’s sister and her kids.

it was pretty cool, cause they live in boulder, so mel and i can go see them if we want. Aunt Sue is still pretty with it, and she told some cool stories about the family.

for the record, we are actually irish.

those of us at the end of the table couldnt really hear, so we got daddy talking later about family stories too.

and evidently, after my great uncle got into a bad car wreck when he was young (about 25, we think), he was taken to a catholic hospital. he was a mason, and they refused to treat him.

according to the story, he died in the hall, and when my grandad was asking what had happened, the nun said “its a shame he’s going to hell.”

so he hit her.

whether that part is true, daddy doesnt know either. but its a good story.

my grandfather punched a nun.