5 Best of the Spiral – 2015

Looking back at my stats this past year has been entertaining. Especially because I have whole long stretches without posting ANYTHING where I would be lucky to get 3 views a day.

However, for some reason, wordpress/jetpack assures me that my favorite posting day is Thursday. And that my top viewed post is actually from 2009!

My “recipe” for Butterball Soup remains the top most viewed post I’ve ever made with a grand total of 64 views in 2015. Which is wildly interesting, as it was posted way before pinterest was really a thing – which is how it’s gotten so many views. I might have to revisit this and post an updated version with an actual graphic and see how that changes shares and pins and stuff.

The other four most viewed are all about alcoholism. Yay.

lifering
From the Trenches of Alcoholism – 63 views
This was deadly hard for me to write, and I am honored that it seems to have resonated with so many people.

How It Breaks and With My Mouth Closed were tied with 35 views each. Although I just now noticed that I posted something in 2014 called With My Mouth Shut which is about kidney stones and not alcoholism. Go figure. How It Breaks was another one that was really hard for me to write. I worked on it for several days, after Voldemort was in bed so I wasn’t going to have to come up with calming things about the fact I was crying. It was, however, very cathartic to write.

brave
In the 5th most viewed places is Hope and Bravery and Beginning Again.

I feel like all of these show how much pain resonates with all of us. My readers are still here. I am still here.

Here’s to 2016. May we all have a much less shitty year.

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Happy New

I’m kicking 2015 to the curb and yelling “Good riddance!”

I’m also sitting in my pjs under two blankets with tea and seriously contemplating just curling up in my chair for a nap rather than drag myself upstairs to bed.

I’m also waiting, again, to find out if anyone knows where b is. Or if he’s sober. Or in the hospital. because that seems to be how I spend the last week.

Come on 2016. Don’t let me down. You’ve gotta be better than this.

Posted in alcoholism, anxiety, depression | 3 Comments

Comfort Movies

I have to ask; what do other people watch for comfort movies?

I’m not talking about movies when you want to cry or kick things, I mean, movies that you’ll put on whenever – when you need something on in the background but want something that doesn’t need too much of your attention. Something you know, where you can look up whenever and know instantly what’s going on.

Mine? Of course I’ll share!

Grease 2:
Fuck you, this is a cinematic MASTERPIECE.

If you’ve never seen it, you are missing out on SO MUCH. Michelle Pfeiffer! Bowling! Talent shows! Motorcycles!

You know how the original Grease, the T-birds and the Pink Ladies are the coolest kids in school? In this one, the T-birds are RIDICULOUS, and the Pink Ladies are a mess – it’s just like real teenagers!

I can’t spoil the amazingness that is Cool Rider for you, so here is my second favorite song:

(When I went to New York and saw Blood Brothers on Broadway, I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out where I knew the narrator from. IT WAS JOHNNY NAGERELLI)

The Fault In Our Stars:
I know. I KNOW. It’s a cancer movie about teenagers dying of cancer. But I love it. When I’m comfort watching, I skip the entire scene with whatshisname the author because it makes me angry, but the rest of it is lovely and gives me hope. It helps, I think, that I went into the movie months after reading the book three times and so knew the story and came in armed with many tissues.

Labyrinth:
David Bowie and Jim Henson are amazing and I still want the dress Sarah wears in the beginning of the movie. Plus, it’s my childhood, so I’ve seen it a billion times.

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Assortment of Chocolates

Oh, look, random links and comments!

– I am sitting enjoying my very favorite of Christmas movies, which is, of course, Die Hard. I found myself getting entirely too thinky about how Holly and John split and why and how all you want when you watch movies like this when you’re younger is YAY THEY’RE TOGETHER! but when you watch as an adult, you notice how tense Holly is when John first arrives and how they don’t even hug and then you realize you’re reading too much into this because you’re getting divorced and don’t you want some hot chocolate and maybe something sweet? Just enjoy the violence.

– I have my second favorite Christmas movie queued up to watch with the Dark Lordling later. I was in the play twice – my first year as Gladys, the last as Imogene – from the youngest Herdman to the oldest!

– one hardcore reason why I love The Toast: A short post about the Ninja Turtles as other foursomes evolves into a thoughtful processing in the comments of why Mr. Big is actually Shredder as well as which famous political leader is Raphael. And then someone suggested that Han Solo and Raphael are pretty much the same person, and wow, I now understand why I was in love with both of them as a child.

– I’m still in love with Han Solo.

– I grabbed this link from..somewhere (Geek and Sundry, I think). Filmumentaries (which looks wrong no matter how many times I type it), which are documentaries about behind the scenes stuff from films, and includes some cool looks at Star Wars – like the Jabba puppeteer. I’m making this sound boring, but I swear it isn’t.

– Evidently, “neighbor gifts” are a thing for the holidays. From what I can tell, someone finally gave a name to the way you dump random things off with your neighbors to make them think you like them. The lists of these tend to either be hilarious or cringe-worthy.

Hilarious: Stovetop Potporri – ITS A BAG. WITH AN ORANGE AND A CINNAMON STICK IN IT.

Cringe-worthy: Cutesy sayings to attach to various ridiculous things that no one needs. “We WHISK you a Merry Christmas!” Ugh.

…No offense made to the site I linked there, as they have some tasty ideas, but..the SAYINGS.

– This is so so so very NSFW, but I got linked to this site on tumblr, and I spent a good fifteen minutes in absolutely hysterical laughter. I can’t decide if it’s disturbing, brilliant, or if the person running the tumblr needs a whole lot of therapy. Maybe all of the above.

– Voldemort and I spent a fascinated ten minutes watching videos like this. We’ve both decided we need to try one, as it looks like fun, and we both REALLY want to know what they taste like:

-MySpace has emailed me TWICE in the past two days, trying to lure me back to the 90s, I think. Or maybe trying to steal my soul. I didn’t even know MySpace still EXISTED.

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A Long December

December is a hard month. I know that. It’s dark. It’s cold.

And I’ve got a divorce hovering over my head, the first Christmas without him, and the upcoming anniversary of the scariest day of my life when he had a seizure. And the anniversary of everything really falling apart.

I know. I do. And I know it will pass. And I’ll make it through.

But it’s hard.

I know I’m battling depression. It’s pretty obvious.

I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t even think about the new Star Wars.

I’ve seen the trailer once. I’ve barely looked at any of the media about it.

And trust me, I know how dumb it sounds. But I really really love Star Wars. Han Solo was my first love. My senior year of college, the original trilogy were running constantly in the background. And now I can’t even fathom finding the enthusiasm that is really needed to even go see the new one in the theater.

And that makes me sadder.

I’ll be ok. I’m hormonal, and I have a cold, and a shit ton of other baggage, but it’s ok.

And I’ll go see Star Wars – not the opening weekend, and maybe not for a while. But I’ll go. And I’ll get through the holidays, and make it through December, and survive the divorce.

I know I’ll be ok. I just need a little more time.

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