Up to Date

I’m attempting to pick a new theme.

Expect weirdness for the next few days until I get all bugs worked out and thoroughly squashed.

Comments and suggestions helpful.

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The Living is Easy

Blogher is next week!!!

I had such an awesome time last year, and I am so excited to go again.

Of course, it took some digging to find my silverspiral.net cards that I got from moo last year, only to find out I only have about 30 left. Uh oh. Must order more, but I’ve heard moo is charging ridiculous amounts this year?? Other than vistaprint, are there are other decent places to get cards that I can get in the next week that won’t cost craziness?

I do have a hotel room reserved, but no roommate- I CAN swing the whole cost of the room, but I don’t particularly want to. The only other people I’ve seen on the blogher14 fb page want to go 4 to a room, and while I don’t mind sharing a room, I don’t particularly want to share a bed with a stranger. Eek.

Last year I way overpacked, and then trying to get everything PLUS all the awesome swag packed to go home was insanely frustrating, so this year, I’m taking my favorite capris, a nicer tshirt, a geeky tshirt, one skirt or dress, and a pair of shoes and that’s it!

I’m also going to try to cram in my yoga mat- although I wonder if the hotel might have one I could borrow..that seems like something hotels should start doing- offering yoga mats like they offer cribs and extra cots. It would make my life easier, at least.

Anybody else going this year? Leave a comment if you are!

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Words of Loathing

I am truly, wickedly adoring reading this thread at The Toast – it’s all about books you HAAAAATE. Now, the problem is, while many of the hated books I agree with or have never read due to general apathy, many of the ones people are talking about hating are ones I LOVE – The Little Prince? 1984? HOW CAN YOU HATE JACOB HAVE I LOVED?

I feel so loved to know that I am not the only one who didn’t just dislike The Scarlet Letter, OTHER PEOPLE WANTED TO SHRIEK WITH RAGE AT IT TOO! It was written as a newspaper periodical, so dude got paid by the word –so even though i know WHY it takes him 13 paragraphs to describe someone answering the damn door, it does not mean that I have to ENJOY it. Other people understand and can articulate my hatred of The Mists of Avalon! Hated! When someone finds out they read fantasy they almost always ask me if I’ve read this! I read it as a teenager and it was terrible and then the christians made everything horrible the end! GAH. And THEN I found out the author was a child molester?! WHAT.

I also hate The Stranger. H.A.T.E Nothing happens, it doesn’t make a speck of sense, and I DON’T CARE BECAUSE I HATE IT. Ironically, I got the highest grade I had gotten on a paper in my AP English class for my essay on this book. Which is hilarious, because i didn’t understand the story or what the essay was supposed to be about, so it was all complete bullshit.

Tuesday’s with Morrie was a bookclub assignment for me, and everybody else talked about how they luuuuuuved it, and I was sitting there looking at them like they were made of vomit because i can still not get over how the author describes the “happy way” food fell out of Morrie’s mouth while Morrie was eating because no one had ever taught the dying asshole not to talk with his mouth full and it is the GROSSEST THING and UGH.

Mercedes Lackey and the Vanyel books SHOULD have been good – a gay protagonist in a fantasy novel? SIGN ME UP. But he was SO WHINY and all OH POOR ME, and I was GLAD when he died. GLAAAAAD.

The general hatred of anything and everything Cassie Clare thrills my little black heart, as I was in the Harry Potter fandom when her fanfic plagiarism first came to light and if you don’t think she hasn’t blatantly stolen material and stuck it in her crappy books you are WRONG.

The first book, though? My very very first deeply hated book?

Forever, by Judy Blume.

I read it in high school, probably, because I wanted to know why it was so controversial.

(keep in mind that I was a very precocious reader, and had previously read very enlightening things that featured much much of the sex, so while I knew the very basics, I was still very innocent about such things)

It’s controversial because it’s about teenagers, sex, and birth control. Alright, awesome, a book that deals with those things, good info to have, fabulous, let’s go.

I got about halfway through the book before whatsherface stops whatshisname from sexing her up, and you know what that douche does? He WHINES about how much it hurts to be turned on and then she doesn’t follow through.

I might have been innocent but that is still BULLSHIT and I threw that piece of shit across the room.

HATE.

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Things I Know

1. If I owe you money and you don’t want paypal, you will most likely never get your money, even if I know I wrote a check and put it in an envelope AND put it in the mailbox. What happens to these checks? They never clear the bank. They just..disappear.

2. Barnes and Noble not only carry absolutely no books about kids who like non-stereotypically gendered stuff, they also don’t have an LGBT+ section. They stick anything they have in the Women’s Studies section. I’m fairly sure gay men, trans-men, and those who identify as anything other than women would not be ok with this. I left a comment card and plan on irritated letters and tweets.

3. The husband went to Russia and got to pretend to be a cosmonaut and had a fabulous time and didn’t puke at 4Gs in the centerfuge.

4. The husband is now gone again.

5. The husband will return the day I leave for a writing retreat, and leave again FOR AN ENTIRE MINTH the day I come back.

6. I like peanut butter cookies.

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I’m Not Actually a Teacher

What I really do, as every kid knows, is exist ONLY TO FRUSTRATE CHILDREN. And DAMN do I enjoy it!

Example 1, conversation between myself (ME) and a highly gifted three year old (SH):
SH: Ms. A, why isn’t Joey here today?
ME: Oh, she went to the moon instead.
SH: She can’t go to the moon! She doesn’t have any way to get there!
ME: Sure she does, she keeps a rocketship in her backyard.
SH: No, she doesn’t!
ME: Yes, she does. She told me all about it yesterday.
SH: No! I’ve been over there for her birthday party and she didn’t have a rocketship in her backyard.
ME: She got it as a birthday present after you left. She just forgot to tell you.
SH: SHE DOES NOT HAVE A ROCKETSHIP, MS A!

Example 2, a conversation between myself (ME) and a princess obsessed four year old who has very set ideas about gender and stuff (PR), complete with drawings!:

IMG_0704
PR: Oh, Ms A! You drew a beautiful princess!
ME: Nope. She’s a queen.
PR: A queen? *look of confusion*
ME: Yep. *draws dragon* This is her best friend – he keeps all of those nasty princes away.
PR: No, the dragon kidnaps the princess and a handsome prince rescues her.
ME: Nope. This is a queen and her best friend, the dragon.
PR: But, Ms A, there HAS to be a princess!
ME: Ok.

IMG_0703

ME: Here’s my princess!
PR: Where’s her beautiful dress? And why is she circles?
ME: She isn’t wearing a dress. She’s wearing pants. And she’s circles because princess comes in all shapes and sizes.
PR: But she has to have a beautiful dress!
ME: This princess doesn’t wear dresses – she wears pants, because she likes to climb trees and play on the monkeybars.
PR: Princesses wear beautiful dresses!
ME: Not this one!
PR: BUT SHE NEEDS A BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
ME: My princesses wear pants.
PR: But…but..

I know. I’m a terrible person. But it is just so much fun!

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